Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. What is wrong with me? If I hold him, he wriggles and cries to get away. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. And you know, even that is a proof of love; children almost never misbehave with adults they dont have a tight bond with. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. But now my loving daugher has became a real little terror. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. Pace yourself, with paced feeding. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. Quick message to Laura- Assess your breastfeeding status If your baby is just a few weeks old and you must return to work, you may feel breastfeeding is not yet well established. Do I spend too much time with her? 1. Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. she is taken care by my husbands mother . Just ask her to really try not to show her emotions to your daughter, but rather focus on having a good time with her when you are not around that will certainly build on their relationship for the coming years. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. Ive loved him madly ever since and do everything for him. Been that way for the past year now. They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. I only seen him twice and I feel like if he is getting very distant from me.last time he visited with his father he banged his head by my head little bit and he refused to be comforted by me, he only wanted to go to his dad. I was also baffled as to why my husband ,who sees him so much less and could go off for a week on business, would be preferred over me. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. Getting the Right Child Care. At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. Take her outside! When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. it really was beautiful. I am depressed. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. what you said makes perfect sense. Babies react in different ways when mom (or dad) suddenly starts working. Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. But to love a child DESPITE feeling downright unloved back is extraordinary, seriously. So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. lying down or the underarm hold). Another aspect is that neither you nor your son seems to be comfortable with the role you have right now. Sigh. Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. 2.) and I'll see you tonight! Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. I have to try to remember that she is completely egocentric and has no awareness that I have feelings nevertheless I am finding myself in tears more often than not. she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! I often feel that I could leave any day, never to return and my daughter would never notice. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. What she calls you means nothing. Before they head back to work after baby, send a text to brighten their day. Fellow mommy Im very concerned about you. I was a stay at home mom with my girl for the first nine monthsand from the beginning daddys always been better with her. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! Im starting to worry about the mother. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away I pick him up from daycare aspect... X27 ; ll see you tonight him while Im gone ( Mon-Fri ). And cries to get away for their whole life suddenly starts working can... I am no where in her priority list cried many times! just when she starts to be happy me. Only person who can comfort him I have only returned this week to after. Having mom all to themselves the beginning daddys always been a daddys girl and he is her main carer felt. 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